Choices

So in my free time this morning I watched this video.  It was me, this seemingly perfect life on the outside but inside there was so much stress and anxiety and anger.  I thought the video  was good saying that hard work does not lead to happiness.  After that I realized it was just a sales pitch.  The woman kept saying "I didnt believe in hocus pocus" yet yeah she does.  She is selling a "magic" way to fix your life.  I continued watching for a laugh.  I thought I believed in the Law of attraction, which I kind of do, but I think I believe in the power of good choices.  Sure cancer is NOT how I imagined my life, but everything after cancer seems to have worked out.  I believe my choices to join the coast guard, marry Brandon, and get my MSW all made my dealing with cancer easier.  Maybe cancer changed my "energetic properties" in the world, but really I just think it was the choices I have made.
http://manifestationmiracle.com/?hop=jp2165

Cancer food

Brayden was having lunch of strawberries and oatmeal.  He had some cheezits left over from his snack and started dumping them in his food.  I said, eww child you are gross, his response was priceless "mommy this is cancer food.  Try it, you wont get cancer."  Of course I tried it, it was disgusting,  but he is such a thoughtful boy, too bad he forgets I already have cancer.  I am so grateful he is so open about cancer.  He just "knows" he will cure me.  Kids are awesome.

Blurred lines

We live in a world with blurred lines that are just getting more blurry; and I am not talking about the Robin Thicke and Mylie Cyrus song though they have some crappy boundaries and could be a whole different rant than this Cass-hole post.  I was watching the news this morning and felt a pain in my stomach hearing about two girls in Wisconsin who almost killed another girl because they were expressing their loyalty to "the slenderman."  Slenderman is a fictional character, like the boogy man or Big foot.  These girls thought he might be real and by showing their loyalty they could run away with him.  Really??  These girls would rather run away with a killer and hurt another human than live their own life?  They are 12 years old.  Their life can not be that bad.   I find it interesting that I found and article, see weblink below, that focused on the girls expressing some regret, where on the Today show the reporter reported that one of the girls "felt bad she didn't feel more guilt for her behavior."  Well at the end of the day these girls hurt and almost killed another girl.  They should feel remorse and because they dont, that shows a real problem in our society.  There are so many blurred lines between what is real and what is fake.  What is good and what is bad.  What is right and what is wrong.  This concerns me because there should not be blurred lines between moral character.  There should be blurred lines in physical non moral things like between is this color blue or dark blue, is my hair to long, etc.  Dear Lord please help our world figure out what the real blurred lines are.

https://news.yahoo.com/police-girls-charged-stabbing-expressed-regret-144522802.html

Cancer is hard on a marriage

I stumbled upon this article today and it was so touching.  I recommend reading it for any couple going through cancer, or any illness, or a couple who wants to prepare for some sort of live changing event.  Brandon and I have definitely had our marriage tested through my stroke and cancer diagnosis.  If it were not for our "friendly" competitive nature, I don't know that I would be alive.  I thank God he was right that I just had a stroke, I was scared of a heart attack.  If he would have thought I was having a heart attack that night I probably would have had one and died because my heart literally felt like it would pound out of my chest.  Brandon was exactly who I needed him to be, not who I wanted him to be. I wanted him to cry like me and be sad.  I could die, yet he never cried or showed emotion in front of me.  He treated me like nothing had changed, pretty much told me to go do the dishes ;).  My nurse at the hospital actually smacked him because he asked if I could go home to do dishes before I got on the plane to head to Seattle for brain surgery.  Those that know Brandon know I am not exaggerating :) However, this smart ass man was who I married and God knew I would need his smart ass-ness to complement my Cass-holeness in this life.  I was so angry with him for a while about his lack of emotion, I felt he didn't care.  However, he did care.  He cared so much that he took the pain for me the best he could.  He did exactly what we were told to do in our premarital counseling with Pastor Cross.  Early in our marriage we were told to be co-pilots in marriage, meaning that if one of us is down the other can take control and get us to our final destination of a happy life.  Be equals. However remember if life is going to throw a punch, one of us should duck the punch so that one of us is strong and can keep the flight going towards that final destination.  Cancer was the punch to our marriage, however I think it was a full blown attack on our marriage.  Cancer knocked me down, but not Brandon.  Brandon stayed strong even when I was angry and wanted him to be weak like me.  That old saying misery loves company seems all too clear now.  Cancer taught me that if I am knocked down, Brandon really could handle the flight that is our life, he could be the only pilot and we would arrive at our happy destination without my guidance.        

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/relationships/how-your-marriage-can-recover-from-a-serious-illness-or-injury.html?ps=0

Another cancer lesson

Laying in bed this morning, totally uncomfortable with Brayden on my stomach, it dawned on me, there is no place I would rather be than in bed with my family.  Cancer has helped me re-prioratize my life.  Before my stroke I had have lived everyday thinking about what comes next, never enjoying the present moment.  Now every moment is special.  Every thing I have I should be grateful for.  Life can literally change over night.  I am so blessed to be able to lay around with my son and enjoy the wonder that he is and enjoy my husband for the incredible father he is.

Chasing life

Who is looking forward to this show?  I am!!!!

Free Photo Shoot

If you are going through cancer or a survivor and would like a nice picture of you and your family check out this website. http://www.magichourfoundation.org/   They offer a free photo session for cancer fighter/survivors.  I just signed up, not sure if in my area but I am looking forward to this!