That's what "He" said

Please check out Julie's blog http://lessthanperfectlifeofbliss.blogspot.com/ for great reading.  I just loved her post today about asking he dad, he knows.  I don't doubt her father knows.  He is one of the most amazing men I know and I am so grateful that he was the one that sent the foundation for my marriage by officiating my wedding.  My rant today is a good one.  It is how a relationship with a father is like a relationship with God.  Many know but many don't know that I grew up without a father in my life.  Julie's post made me realize that not having a human father present was okay because when I had questions about life and why things were happening to me, things that were not supposed to happen to kids or humans in general, He, God, knew.  He knew that all these "bad" things would make me stronger.  He knew I would be fine when I didn't.  I didn't know Him, but he knew one day I would come around, He was patient.  He has given me so many chances to know Him, and me in my selfish ways would say hello to Him and go on my merry way.  It took me getting cancer to realize He knows and He knew. I know nothing in comparison to Him, well Him and my mom.  My mom knows everything too, but I know even she doesn't know as much as Him :)   I am a very stubborn woman, God knows this.  I can't help it, I was born that way.  I definitely know that is a trait I get from my mom.  I am getting to '"know" my biological father and it took me getting cancer to forgive him for not being around.  I have always believed a child NEEDED mother and a father to turn out "normal," but that the mother was the most important person in the child rearing relationship; I turned out fine with just a mom, I think I am pretty "normal."  Now fast forward in my life, I married someone from a home with a mother and a father and, well, he is not very "normal,"  but he is a great father.  Cancer has taught me that a mother and father both have important roles in a childs life; they both need to show the child love.  Cancer has made me realize that if I were gone, Brandon could take on the role of mother and father.  Though I would never want him to, that is why we are married, cancer has taught me can.  He, Brandon, knows more than I have given him credit for.  If you asked me a year ago what Brandon knows I would have said "how to be a smart ass."  Now if you ask me what Brandon knows, I know he knows God and by knowing God, he, Brandon knows all he needs too.  They say as people are age together they turn into each other, I can't believe I am saying it, but I am grateful that I know I am turning into Brandon.    


Thanks Julie for inspiring my post today :)

Cancer is hard on a marriage

I stumbled upon this article today and it was so touching.  I recommend reading it for any couple going through cancer, or any illness, or a couple who wants to prepare for some sort of live changing event.  Brandon and I have definitely had our marriage tested through my stroke and cancer diagnosis.  If it were not for our "friendly" competitive nature, I don't know that I would be alive.  I thank God he was right that I just had a stroke, I was scared of a heart attack.  If he would have thought I was having a heart attack that night I probably would have had one and died because my heart literally felt like it would pound out of my chest.  Brandon was exactly who I needed him to be, not who I wanted him to be. I wanted him to cry like me and be sad.  I could die, yet he never cried or showed emotion in front of me.  He treated me like nothing had changed, pretty much told me to go do the dishes ;).  My nurse at the hospital actually smacked him because he asked if I could go home to do dishes before I got on the plane to head to Seattle for brain surgery.  Those that know Brandon know I am not exaggerating :) However, this smart ass man was who I married and God knew I would need his smart ass-ness to complement my Cass-holeness in this life.  I was so angry with him for a while about his lack of emotion, I felt he didn't care.  However, he did care.  He cared so much that he took the pain for me the best he could.  He did exactly what we were told to do in our premarital counseling with Pastor Cross.  Early in our marriage we were told to be co-pilots in marriage, meaning that if one of us is down the other can take control and get us to our final destination of a happy life.  Be equals. However remember if life is going to throw a punch, one of us should duck the punch so that one of us is strong and can keep the flight going towards that final destination.  Cancer was the punch to our marriage, however I think it was a full blown attack on our marriage.  Cancer knocked me down, but not Brandon.  Brandon stayed strong even when I was angry and wanted him to be weak like me.  That old saying misery loves company seems all too clear now.  Cancer taught me that if I am knocked down, Brandon really could handle the flight that is our life, he could be the only pilot and we would arrive at our happy destination without my guidance.        

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/relationships/how-your-marriage-can-recover-from-a-serious-illness-or-injury.html?ps=0