Am I Supposed to be a Cass-Hole?

Have you ever thought, who am I supposed to be?  Or,what am I supposed to do with my life?  I have.  I feel like I have wondered these things on and off my whole (short) life, but the questions seem to bounce around more since I have had cancer.  I know it is with love and kindness that people ask me "So, what are you going to do now that you don't have cancer?" or "When are you going back to work?", but I usually respond with "I don't know."    I really don't know, that is a hard answer for me to say since I thought I knew what I wanted for life before cancer. On top of wondering who I am, cancer has brought forth all fears for me such as when will I die? Or, how am I supposed to become the person I am "supposed" to be?

Well, you know what, the spirit of Christ has taught me, who cares?  On this earth it is not my business to know when I will die.  It is not my business to determine who I am supposed to be.  Those things have already been determined for me.  I just need to follow the little GPS in my soul to get to where I am supposed to be.  My body, my soul, and my spirit are on this earth for a reason.  Every breath I take is for a reason.  Every person I talk to is for a reason.  I even got cancer for a reason.  Cancer has brought me to Christ and has fulfilled my life in ways like never before.  It is amazing that I can now find comfort in the unknown.   I look back to my pre-cancer life and can say I was happy and enjoyed life, but  there was something missing.  Cancer helped me find it.  I have been a control freak, but daily I am working on giving that up to just be a putty in God's hand.  Letting Him form me and change me into who He wants to to be; who He knows I am supposed to be.
 
Pastor Gore, the wonderful Pastor at Orting Community Baptist Church, has been preaching and discussing who we are and why we here this last week.  His lessons have really been touching my heart since I have been wondering about me, about all of us, and what is our purpose.  He brought me to Jeremiah 29:11, which says:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

To me, these words mean God will take care of me, be it here on Earth or in Heaven.  He wants me to prosper and not be sick and He will determine where I need to be for my future.  God wants me, all of us, to follow our soul.  We are all born with a soul, this includes our intellect, emotions, and will.  In my soul I know I am a Cass-Hole.  I was born a smart, passionate, and stubborn child and I have matured into a smart, passionate, and stubborn Cass-Hole.  I believe the Cass-Hole in my soul gives me courage to express myself and be lovingly honest with the world around me.  My Cass-Hole soul has helped me fight and be courageous when odds were against my favor.

I am supposed to be a Cass-Hole.  A person to change the world.  I don't know the changes I am suppose to make, but I have faith there is something.  I am here for a reason.  I am me for a reason.  You are you for a reason.  We are all here to get things done.