I can't believe cancer and I have only been in a relationship for the past year. This year has flown by so fast yet feels like the slowest year of my life. I have had so much change; moved to Seattle, had brain surgery, had chemo, went into remission, moved back to Juneau, found out cancer came back, and moved back to Seattle. Yet, at the same time, things are kind of the same as they were one year ago. At the end of the day I still have cancer. Sure, I physically live in a new place but my body still has cancer. I went through almost a whole year of chemo for nothing in regards to cancer. However, in regard to understanding my life, this last year has been the best one yet. Yes, I had a stroke and I have cancer, but those things are not going to stop me from living. Those things have taught me more about life than anything in my life the previous 28 years. I have had to learn the good, the bad, and the ugly of life; while also being taught the truth about love, kindness, and forgiveness.
I am young and the stroke was a blessing in disguise. When I had the stroke it was the first time, ever, I have felt not in control of my life. Literally. I could not control my body, this was very hard for me. I am a control freak. The left side of MY body did not feel like my left side. I would try to move and I could not. The night of my stroke, I thought not being in control was what was going to kill me. Now I am grateful because, cancer has taught me I am not in control and that is okay. The night of my stroke I realized I have never been in control of anything. There truly is something, larger than me controlling my life. I have made plans and they don't always happen how I planned, yet the outcome is always more than I could have asked for. For example, I never wanted nor planned for cancer, yet everything is working out and lining up for me to be fine.
I am grateful for my stroke. I am happy I have a Stroke-iversary. It is a reminder that life can change over night. I mean that literally. 366 days ago I was considers healthy and fishing and hiking out at the beautiful glacier in Juneau like a "normal" person, then BAM I woke up sick. We should not take life for granted. Ever! We never know what the next day brings because we are not in control of each day.
Here is to wishing everyone happiness on my stroke-iversary and 7-11's birthday. Don't forget to get your free slurpee before 11pm tonight on 7-11!
As someone that keeps telling you that in a year you will be looking back at this moment knowing that you made cancer your bitch, it strikes me that we were telling you the same thing one year ago... but this time you WILL make it your bitch, because honeybadgers are badass and don't let something like that get the better of them twice :)
ReplyDeleteLol! You are the best! And you are right, next year this will all be a long memory and I will be back to saving to world as a social worker since at some point I need to use that degree I paid for :)
Delete