Cancer and the other 999 ways I could die!

This week I had my consent signing appointment at the cancer center.  I pretty much signed the dotted line saying I will take this "fatal" chemo and not sue the SCCA for whatever happens to me.  I will be starting my conditioning chemotherapy on September 3rd, this will wipe out my immune system and allow for the stem cell transplant to take place. The doctors have called the condition regiment I am getting "fatal chemotherapy";  I wish the doctors could come up with another name.   It is called "fatal" because it is literally the highest amount of chemo the doctors can give me without killing me.  My body will not be able to make healthy blood hence why I am getting the stem cell (aka bone marrow) transplant.  If the stem cells do not take to my body, one of the many ways I could die is from that.  I learned that this chemo could kill me if I  end up catching any bacterial or fungal infection.  I learned this chemo could kill me by ruining my liver.  The chemo could cause bone density loss, leading to death.   The chemo can help me get rid of lymphoma, but it is so strong that I can possibly develop leukemia in the future, and die.  The list went on and on to include me potentially getting cataracts, skin color changes, boils on my skin, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  The hubby and I eventually tuned out of what the doctor was saying because even though the statistics were small, the list of ways I could die or get sicker seemed never ending!  The doctor I have now is obviously very thorough, which is great and at the same time so scary since besides cancer there are at least 999 ways I could die!

Luckily, with my 1,000 ways to die, I have faith that God has a plan for me.  He has had many chances to take me out thus far, and I don't just mean through a stroke or cancer I have done some pretty stupid thing... and He has not taken me out yet! (side note, with age I have learned to stop pushing my luck with the bad decisions).  I saw this bible verse and it reminded me that it is okay to tune out the negative because God has his own plan for me, not the doctors.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I have a hope and a future because of this stem cell transplant and the chemo that goes with it.  The science behind this whole process is scary, but the beauty of living in the world of faith and science is that even though I am scared of the science part, since a transplant is far from natural, my faith keeps me strong and lessens my fears.  I have faith that my God will protect me and keep me safe and that He has placed me in the hands of the doctors who can help me get back to healthy.  Doctors are scientists, and in a way like Angels of this world, because they have the potential power to make any of us better.  

Medicine is a two way street, it is based on the knowledge of the doctor and the faith of the patient to achieve health.  If a patient never believes they will get well, then odds are they actually will never get well.  I choose to focus on the fact that I have a pain free, healthy future.  Be it whether I am cured of cancer or I am returned to the beauty of heaven to meet my maker; either way I will be without pain.  I have heard a saying "the moment you are born, you are dying" and after hearing all the potential problems with the stem cell transplant I know I am closer to death than life, but in a way we all are.  Death can come at any time.  We all can die from over 1,000 different things, but how lucky am I that I actually have a list of the ways I can die?  I am a control freak so knowing how I could go really helps calm some of my fears.  :) 

Thanks for the continued support as I go through the stem cell transplant process!  

XOXOXO