Trust

Cancer has taught me life is more than money and things.  It is trusting those around us, who truly love and care about us.  The night of my stroke I didn't trust Brandon.  We bickered all the way to the hospital about whether I was having a heart attack or a stroke.  I was in pain on my left side, not bad pain just discomfort to lose control of my body. I knew heart attacks are what kill people in my family.  I knew I was dying and going by heart attack.  Brandon knew I was having a stroke.  He kept telling me my face was droppy and I looked like his papaw, the fact he said I looked like his papaw is a topic I have forgot to go back and make fun of because usually girls look like other girls.  Well we got to the hospital in record speed, I am pretty sure I told him to slow down because he was going 80 on Egan, for those not in Juneau that is our "freeway" with a max speed of 55.  Sure enough I should have trusted Brandon.  I was having a stroke.  They started me on medication and did an mri which showed something in my brain. Strokes usually involve blood flow to the brain but this masses in my brain had weird blood flow.  A CT was done to reveal 3 tumors in my right parietal lobe.  I was devistated when I was told I had tumors, and even worse was Brandon wasnt there with me because he had taken brayden to school.  That was the first time I have ever felt alone.  Well the first time i recognized that i felt that way. I though, in that moment, I had noone or nothing to live for.  Then that moment passed and I made the decision to not fight or question but trust.  I needed to trust my doctors and heed their words.  Listen to my family and take their advice. Graciously enjoy gifts and kindness from others.  Trust that everyone is looking out for my best interest.  Sure I need to advocate for me, but I also need to respect the training and life experiences of professionals.

This whole cancer business is crazy.   I would never have thought I would say it, but I trust that cancer was chosen to live in me for a reason.  Not sure what it is but I am grateful for my experiences that cancer caused.