Strength

I once had someone in my life who said "life sucks and then you die." I believed he was just a bitter, angry person.  Now I kind of feel bad for him, I believe he had no one or nothing to live for, unlike me.

  I had a stroke at the age of 28.  Who does that?  The night of my stroke I thought I was dying of a heart attack.  Brandon knew I was having a stroke.  We argued in the car all the way to the hospital as to if I were having a stroke or a heart attack.  We got to the hospital and I was immediately treated for a stroke.  Brandon of course gave that grin that said "I told you." I am so grateful he was right.  In that moment I was pissed and angry that he knew what was wrong with my body and I didn't.  Well I showed him,  I didn't just have a stroke, I have cancer as well.  Boom, neither of us were right, he was just closer to right than me.

This voyage with cancer had taught me there is more to life than being right, though it is hard to admit.  Cancer taught me my life did suck because I didn't realize how important my husband was to me till I almost died and wouldn't get to see him and argue with him daily.  It took me almost dying to get that the statement, life sucks and then you die, is true because if we never find that person or thing we truly love then we might as well die.  When we find that one who drives us crazy we get strength to want to argue with them to live longer.

Happy

When you have cancer you need to find your happy.  If you do what everyone else says will make you happy, you will be miserable.  People told me not to blog when I wanted to after I had my stroke,  so I didn't.   One day I said screw what others think...now I am happy!!

Good Is

Please check out this "good" version of social media, Good.is.com.  I lovw this website and the positivity it promotes.   I want to believe in the good in the world, and this website is a step in the right direction.

http://www.good.is/posts/new

Mothers judging mothers leads to anger and discrimination

How can we avoid crippling comparisons and promoting hatred in our children?  Stop judging others!! Great article about the problem with mothers.

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/christian-trends/motherhood-isn-t-a-competition-it-s-a-calling.html

Tips

No wonder the guy driving the bus at the airport was son grumpy... he can't get tips unless the people smile but people dont smile because they are grumpy.  We just need more smiles in thw world to make bua drivers happy.

Chemo mullet

What do people do when there hair grows back?  I don't want to trim this mullet since my hair has grown back since it but shaved from the craniotomy.  However, I may lose my hair again so I want to so something to this mullet.  What do people do to style their hair in this awkward length?

Underpant gloves

Some people need nice gloves for driving a car.  My child wears under wear gloves to drive a tractor. 

Honesty

I have learned people need to listen to their doctors.  When going through cancer treatment life is scary.  My mind was going 100 miles more an hour, on top of the 250 miles an hour it goes naturally.  I regret not having a tape recorder with me and recording my doctor.  My husband would say "I will remember" and he did remember stuff but not all the info I would have liked...yes I have cancer but I didn't expect a miracle of my husband becoming a better listener.    Just remember the world wants people to speak truth...especially doctors because it would be a huge lawsuit if you got a pill made of shit ;)

Smart ass

There is humor in everything.   5 mins of laughter has the same effect on body as morphine.

Trust

Cancer has taught me life is more than money and things.  It is trusting those around us, who truly love and care about us.  The night of my stroke I didn't trust Brandon.  We bickered all the way to the hospital about whether I was having a heart attack or a stroke.  I was in pain on my left side, not bad pain just discomfort to lose control of my body. I knew heart attacks are what kill people in my family.  I knew I was dying and going by heart attack.  Brandon knew I was having a stroke.  He kept telling me my face was droppy and I looked like his papaw, the fact he said I looked like his papaw is a topic I have forgot to go back and make fun of because usually girls look like other girls.  Well we got to the hospital in record speed, I am pretty sure I told him to slow down because he was going 80 on Egan, for those not in Juneau that is our "freeway" with a max speed of 55.  Sure enough I should have trusted Brandon.  I was having a stroke.  They started me on medication and did an mri which showed something in my brain. Strokes usually involve blood flow to the brain but this masses in my brain had weird blood flow.  A CT was done to reveal 3 tumors in my right parietal lobe.  I was devistated when I was told I had tumors, and even worse was Brandon wasnt there with me because he had taken brayden to school.  That was the first time I have ever felt alone.  Well the first time i recognized that i felt that way. I though, in that moment, I had noone or nothing to live for.  Then that moment passed and I made the decision to not fight or question but trust.  I needed to trust my doctors and heed their words.  Listen to my family and take their advice. Graciously enjoy gifts and kindness from others.  Trust that everyone is looking out for my best interest.  Sure I need to advocate for me, but I also need to respect the training and life experiences of professionals.

This whole cancer business is crazy.   I would never have thought I would say it, but I trust that cancer was chosen to live in me for a reason.  Not sure what it is but I am grateful for my experiences that cancer caused.