It sucks to have cancer on your birthday. If life were perfect no one would have cancer, especially on their birthday. Lucky my cancer isn't hurting today and I fell well, what a blessing. However, I cry when I think about all the children who are diagnosed and die from cancer each day. All of them who are diagnosed don't get to have a "normal" childhood. Cancer changes a person and "normal" becomes a very subjective word. Here I am complaining about cancer and there are children out there who will never get to know all the joys of human flesh. However, at the same time I am jealous in a way of the ones who die because they get to go back to Heaven and avoid the sadness and evil of this earth. I like to believe that Earth is a good place, but realistically there is evil in this Earth and I believe there is none in Heaven. Where would you rather be? I choose Heaven, but not yet, not until I am old. There are so many children who never get to grow old and I pray for them and their families often.
Life with cancer is not fun. I can tell you first hand living with it is not Heaven. But, cancer has let me see a little piece of Heaven and that is what I am grateful for this year for my birthday. Having a stroke and cancer and having the fear of death made very present to me was a gift only others with near death experiences can understand but I hope to share it with you. Having a stroke and being diagnosed with cancer gave me a piece of Heaven on earth that I will cherish until I get to Heaven. To me, Heaven on Earth is waking up alive, not necessarily feeling well but alive with a pumping heart, and seeing the love in my sons eyes, seeing the quirky smile on my husbands face, seeing my dog get excited to see me every time I come back into the room, seeing the sun rise, seeing the wind blow the trees so effortlessly, and so much more my list could go on. I am so grateful to be alive this year for my birthday because less than 12 months ago I thought I was leaving this Earth for good and would not get to celebrate any more birthdays on this Earth. Today really is my one and only 29th birthday since I am looking forward to turning 30, 40, 50 even 100 because that means God trusts me enough to get old and do something in this world.
That was very touching!!! I wish I had done something like this!!! I totally can not write a sentence to save (not one with feelings, emotions, ect.) Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteYou can still do something like this! It is fun. I am going to tell you the same thing I told Lisa, I am so glad you commented on my blog. Makes me excited someone reads it! I just realized people could comment. It is awesome ;)
DeleteSo well said. I am glad you have faith and believe in God and heaven. I am still on the fence. I absolutely believe there is an afterlife, and I have hope that it's all part of our growing as human beings. My bday is July 8th, and I was first diagnosed in June of 2009, so I just hit my six year anniversary. Doesn't that suck, even saying the word "anniversary" In the same sentence with cancer, with all the wonderful connotations that word is supposed to entail. But, like you, I am blessed. I have learned so so much about my family, life, and myself. And I would not change a minute of it. Yes, it sucks, but every moment is such a gift. All those things I took for granted before. All the flowers I never stopped to smell along the way. I take time to stop now, and oh do they smell so much sweeter! And I am so blessed to be the one sick and be given the opportunity to have that chance to stop and appreciate all the little things that I will never take for granted again! I have been blessed to be given that chance, there are so many people that don't even know what they are missing!
ReplyDeleteI believe God is a title for my spirituality. What I know of you so far, you seem spiritual. And by spiritual I mean that there is more to life than me, you, or us as humans. Cancer has taught me that we are all connected on some other level that is deeper than our understanding. To me, that is God, but to many I know that is spirituality. Either way at the end of the day we are all human and that is what matters to me :) I am so glad you commented on my blog. Makes me excited someone reads it!
DeleteI decided cancer gave me a free pass and I didn't have to get a year older. For three years I decided to stay 29!
ReplyDelete