Cancer is hard on a marriage

I stumbled upon this article today and it was so touching.  I recommend reading it for any couple going through cancer, or any illness, or a couple who wants to prepare for some sort of live changing event.  Brandon and I have definitely had our marriage tested through my stroke and cancer diagnosis.  If it were not for our "friendly" competitive nature, I don't know that I would be alive.  I thank God he was right that I just had a stroke, I was scared of a heart attack.  If he would have thought I was having a heart attack that night I probably would have had one and died because my heart literally felt like it would pound out of my chest.  Brandon was exactly who I needed him to be, not who I wanted him to be. I wanted him to cry like me and be sad.  I could die, yet he never cried or showed emotion in front of me.  He treated me like nothing had changed, pretty much told me to go do the dishes ;).  My nurse at the hospital actually smacked him because he asked if I could go home to do dishes before I got on the plane to head to Seattle for brain surgery.  Those that know Brandon know I am not exaggerating :) However, this smart ass man was who I married and God knew I would need his smart ass-ness to complement my Cass-holeness in this life.  I was so angry with him for a while about his lack of emotion, I felt he didn't care.  However, he did care.  He cared so much that he took the pain for me the best he could.  He did exactly what we were told to do in our premarital counseling with Pastor Cross.  Early in our marriage we were told to be co-pilots in marriage, meaning that if one of us is down the other can take control and get us to our final destination of a happy life.  Be equals. However remember if life is going to throw a punch, one of us should duck the punch so that one of us is strong and can keep the flight going towards that final destination.  Cancer was the punch to our marriage, however I think it was a full blown attack on our marriage.  Cancer knocked me down, but not Brandon.  Brandon stayed strong even when I was angry and wanted him to be weak like me.  That old saying misery loves company seems all too clear now.  Cancer taught me that if I am knocked down, Brandon really could handle the flight that is our life, he could be the only pilot and we would arrive at our happy destination without my guidance.        

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/relationships/how-your-marriage-can-recover-from-a-serious-illness-or-injury.html?ps=0

Strength

I once had someone in my life who said "life sucks and then you die." I believed he was just a bitter, angry person.  Now I kind of feel bad for him, I believe he had no one or nothing to live for, unlike me.

  I had a stroke at the age of 28.  Who does that?  The night of my stroke I thought I was dying of a heart attack.  Brandon knew I was having a stroke.  We argued in the car all the way to the hospital as to if I were having a stroke or a heart attack.  We got to the hospital and I was immediately treated for a stroke.  Brandon of course gave that grin that said "I told you." I am so grateful he was right.  In that moment I was pissed and angry that he knew what was wrong with my body and I didn't.  Well I showed him,  I didn't just have a stroke, I have cancer as well.  Boom, neither of us were right, he was just closer to right than me.

This voyage with cancer had taught me there is more to life than being right, though it is hard to admit.  Cancer taught me my life did suck because I didn't realize how important my husband was to me till I almost died and wouldn't get to see him and argue with him daily.  It took me almost dying to get that the statement, life sucks and then you die, is true because if we never find that person or thing we truly love then we might as well die.  When we find that one who drives us crazy we get strength to want to argue with them to live longer.