Survivors guilt while in treatment

I met a new friend on facebook this week, William, in a non Hodgkins support group.  The topic was survivors guilt. Well, I began to realize I was suffering from survivors guilt and I am not even done with treatment.  What is wrong with me??   William has had multiple deadly disease diagnosis  including Aids and now cancer, yet, he continues to survive.  He said "At a point it becomes amusing, never bragging because it's too humbling. But I know I have a mission not only as a patient but also as a doctor to teach survival and live gracefully in light of many profound obstacles and against much probability. If you don't smell flowers or candles in the morning , get going . Have someone to love, something you love doing, and have something to look forward to. Like the story of Job , Don't give up ! Don't give up ! Don't give up!"

William helped me realize life is all about perspective.  I dont have survivors guilt, I simply have life experience in something more painful than cancer.  I was already a survivor coming into cancer and now I am a stronger survivor, who is currently fighting at battle that cancer will lose.  I don't William have survivors guilt, I have knowledge that I can be fine after a very bad thing, or trauma.  William has had trauma and though my traumas before cancer were not of diseases, my biggest fear was being raped.  That has already happened to me.  Therefore, cancer is my "untrauma" as I will think of it.   Cancer feels almost easy compared to being violated by another human.  Atleast cancer is controllable because I can take medication.  Being inappropriately touched by another person is not controlable.  I would rather deal with something I can control than with something I cant.  

People have thought I have been in denial about cancer.  No I have not.  I simply believe cancer is like a bad flu.  If you have never had a bad flu, it is scary and miserable.  However if you have had a bad flu when you get the regular flu it feels like nothing.  Cancer feels like nothing to me because I have already dealt with something worse than cancer, to me that something worse was rape.  That something worse than cancer is different for everyone.  I am betting for my friend William it was being diagnosed with AIDS.

Now off to bed, hoping to find out if I need one more chemotherapy before I begin the process for stem cell transfusion.

Please feel free to ask questions on my blog.  I have so much to share about cancer and I dont even know where to start!!!!